Initially, there was some speculation whether this indeed was Bin Laden’s body, as the shape of a corpse resembled that of a woman. But all that doubt was laid to rest when Bin Laden’s personal trainer, currently at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp, identified the shape as Bin laden’s and said that Bin Laden was a fitness fanatic and had enough muscles to match even Arnold Schwarzsomething. As you can see from the contours of the image above, Bin laden was definitely not happy at being shot on his head. Also, if you notice carefully (at a zoom of around 400%), a sign saying “Made in China” is visible on the top left of the cloth. This clearly proves that this photo was shot at an American facility.

Today morning, rumours started appearing on Twitter and Facebook that Bin Laden was not killed and thrown into the sea, but just asked to jump in and start swimming to wherever he wanted to. This was all because of this photograph taken somewhere on the Arabian Sea.

But, after multiple rounds of image analysis including a chemical analysis of the photo of the water, it was concluded that this was not taken in the arabian sea, but in the dead sea in Israel. I don’t know why people publish such fake photographs to grab attention! Btw, there are some conspiracy theorists and mathematicians hard at work to see if it is humanly possible to swim from the Arabian sea to the dead sea overnight…

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As is the tradition, i am publishing my party’s manifesto, catering to all sections of society. Incidentally, my party’s name is TLAOTWMK - Tamilians living all over the world Munnetra Kazhagam.

Section I: For the General Public

• Increase the castes list from the current 1,56,724 covering 82 pages in the engg college admission form to 2,22,345 so that everyone can feel happy that they will qualify for some quota or the other.
• Free 1 hour coaching class to all people to Tamil nadu. They will be taught to write their name in Tamil. That way, we can claim 100% literacy in Tamil Nadu.
• Free 40 inch LCD TVs to everyone below the poverty line in TN. Note 1: These TVs are bigger and better than the ones offered by DMK/AIADMK. Note 2: A recent analysis clearly shows that a good TV is the first need of those below poverty line.
• Launch of Rajaram TV, which will play Raghupathy Raghava Rajaram 24*7.
• All buses will be renamed to the form RRXXX, which is definitely easier to rememberthan the current As,Bs,Js and so on.
• A new bill in the assembly will be introduced which will make education upto 2nd standard compulsory for anyone willing to contest elections. This way, 99% of DMK &AIADMK politicans will be disqualified.
• Free Dosa and Idli (1 dosa and 2 Idlis per meal per person per day) will be givento all those who can prove that they are hungry. DMK gives out free rice, AIADMK givesout mixies & grinders, but what use are these if they is no electricity connection to your house!
• Vijaykanth will be made captain of the Tamil Nadu Army, so that he can put his skills to better use rather than in Politics.
• DMK promises 4 sheep for every family below poverty line. We will give you 4 goats.They taste better!
• All our MPs will be directed to speak only Tamil in the Parliament. It doesn’t matter if the rest don’t understand, as it is anyway the current situation if the current MPs from DMK speak English.
• We will arrange emergency trains and buses from Mumbai to Chennai for tamilians whenever Shiv Sena decides to do a peaceful protest in Mumbai.
• We will arrange special coaching classes on “respect” taken by the current AIADMK politicians who are experts in falling at the feet at the drop of a hat.
• Since Polygamy is illegal in India, we will ban the use of the words “Amma” or ”Appa” for people other than the actual Amma/Appa as this leads non-tamilains to think otherwise.
• No one in our party will have legal/illegal second/third wives. This is to avoid situations where the progeny of such relationships cause political problems in the future.
• Our party will not install any vertical cutouts of my photo or of any other politician from our party.  Instead, will will install horizontal cutouts so that it will also provide shade to people looking for some respite from the hot sun.
• Will convince Rahul Dravid to trademark the acronym DMK (Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam) to avoid any Tom, Dick or Harry from adding letters in front of these 3 letters and form a party (in the future).

Section II: For Students

• Will ban/impose fines on colleges like Satyabama where Neandrathal traditions like making boys and girls sit on separate sides of classroom are still followed.
• Will arrange for special custom-made buses for students of Pachaiyappa College Students to travel in/break windows, because that is the only thing that the students of this college anyway do.
• Will arrange a paintball field within the Chennai Law College so that the students of various castes in the college can spend their built-up animosity and fight with each other, but with minimal human damage.
• Will introduce 1+1 free marks for Tamil Nadu state board students in Engg entrance exams  who correctly answer questions in which  the values/numbers are different from the one in their text books.

Section III: For IT Folks

• A special coach will be allotted in all suburban trains with WiFi access. Entry to this coach is only for the IT folks i.e. with the dog-tag around the neck. Only beggars who can sing “Irumbile Ore Irudhyam Mulaikkutho” (From Robot) or other technical songs will be allowed into this coach. Beggars from North India who sing “Pardesi Pardesi Jana Nahi” will be politely asked to get down in the middle of two stations, unlike in Bihar where they are pushed off.
• Special super-trucks will be arranged at the venues of TCS/Wipro walk-in interviews so that the selected people can be moved by the truckload to the respective campus. Such walk-ins in the future will be held at Island grounds with special squads providing butter-milk for those waiting in the queue.

Above is just a small list of all the good things our party intends to do if we get elected. So, for your benefit, come and vote for TLAOTWMK. Btw, our party symbol is “The Little Finger”. We had to choose this finger, as a combination of every other finger was already used by some party or the other and some fingers cannot be chosen for reasons of propriety.

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Every husband has always had something to learn from his wife. So, why then special instructions for the “careless” kind? This is because each and every instance below can be safely negotiated by being that extra bit careful. The careless husbands are usually the ones who face situations listed below. So go ahead, learn these lessons and be wary!

Lesson 1 – Doing the Dishes

The husband doing the dishes is a common thing in today’s generation. But, with the availability of maids to do the chores, it is not often that the husband needs to do this. There may be days when the maid is on leave and the wife asks the husband to do the dishes. Chivalrous that we are, we immediately accept the task. So, what then is the issue?

The problem : Have you ever noticed that the number of utensils that were present (at the time you accepted the request) has mysteriously quadrupled by the time you actually start the task? The reasoning is simple. Once you accept the task, out come all the vessels from deep inside the cupboards as that day, co-incidentally, happens to be the day the wife has decided to clean all unused vessels.

The wrong solution: There are many excuses that you can come up with. You can always say that you have a small cut on your right-index finger and the soap solution might infect the wound and it is pretty obvious that you cannot wash the dishes with only one hand. So, you say that you will do the dishes “tomorrow”. Don’t EVER do this. This is asking for big trouble. What will happen is that the wife will conveniently decide to put off all cleaning to the next day! Then, you yourself have made a mountain out of a molehill and you will end up spending the entire time required for one inning of the T-20 match the next day, just doing the dishes.  See wives are smart. Of course, that is why you have married her in the first place! Well, the lack of many dumb blondes in India is something of national importance to be discussed later.

The correct solution: When you get a request to do the dishes and you accept it, go and do the task IMMEDIATELY. Yes, that’s “immediately” in capitals. Do not wait for the show, that you are watching, to complete and then go for the task. Also, ensure that your rate of washing utensils is faster than the rate of the wife’s consumption by means of that extra coffee or that one biscuit on a big plate etc.

Lesson 2 – Appreciating exotic food items

The Problem: In good old olden days (something like 3 yrs back), wives never found the time to watch the various cookery programmes on TV, as they were at work or busy with household chores. But, with the recent advent of Tata Sky Plus and the like in India this is not a concern, as they can just the record the program and watch it later. So, if your “PLAN” i.e. the recorded programmes list looks like the one below, you have a problem!

Amazing Race, Cookery Programme on SUN TV, Amazing Race Asia, Cookery Programme on Jaya TV, The Weakest Link, Cookery Programme on DD Podhigai, Globe Trekker, Cookery programme on Zee TV etc

So, what happens is that the wifey decides to attempt all the exotic dishes shown and who else but you will be the guinea pig? On one fine November morning, the breakfast happens to be “Semiya Adai” (Rough English Translation - Vermicelli based thick Dosa). You need breakfast, so you eat whatever is offered. Then the inevitable happens. The question is posed – “So, how is the dish?”

The wrong solution: Every husband loves his wife (and sometimes, other’s too!). So, you lovingly answer the question by saying “It is good, i like it” or something which conveys the same message. This is the first mistake you have committed! Once you have said this, you start noticing trends. Over the following days/weeks, you notice that “Semiya Adai” starts appearing frequently on the menu. You can’t of course complain as this is a dish which “you like”! You try to trick your wife by saying that you will leave 2 (out of the 3 offered) for her. But, she is smart (as we already know it). She replies by saying that all the “Semiya Adais” are for you, as she has separately made Chappatis and Sabji for her! How cruel…

The correct solution: If you are already at a managerial position, then it should be a cake walk for you. You just have to follow the same steps that you do when you convey a bad grade in an extremely positive way that the employee forgets that he actually has had a bad grade and goes out smiling from the room ! Let’s translate this scenario for the benefit of those who are yet to do evaluations. So, this is how your response “could” be. Why i am saying “could” is that there is no perfect solution. If there was one, then the world would have been a better place.

1. If you have a small kid, you can give him/her a piece. Like any kid would react to a new item, the kit would spit it out. Then you can have innocent conversations (loud enough innocent conversations) with the kid like “Oh, is it spicy?”, “what? you don’t like it” etc
2. Few hours after the breakfast, you can fake a stomach ache and hope that the connection is understood.
3. The best option which usually works is to lovingly feed few pieces of the dish to your wife!

Lesson 3: Always be on guard

The problem:  MOMs (Minutes of meetings) are never recorded for any conversations which happen between a wife and a husband. So, it often always becomes impossible to justify whether you did or did not say something. At home, most of the husbands  spend most of the time in front of the TV in their eternal quest for knowledge enhancement e.g. How well would Pamela Anderson dance to the tune of Dhak Dhak on Big Boss? Unfortunately, they are also at their most vulnerable state while watching TV. The wives know this, part of the KT passed on through generations of women. That is why most of the tricky questions are asked by the wife when you are in front of the TV. While you are concentrating and trying to unravel the mastery of the front foot defence exhibited by Rahul Dravid, you would have unknowingly committed to clean the other room , the one from which you cannot see the TV.

The wrong solution: Trying to defend by saying that you never accepted or you never replied. It doesn’t work and it never will. If you try to, then you have to listen to hours of lectures on your worthlessness within the house and how that she is doing all the work while you are just lazing around. Of course, it also doesn’t help if you have a kid who, on realising your precarious position comes and says “Appa, Cbeebies Podu” (Appa, put Cbeebies Channel). As we all know, it is unheard of for a dad to watch a TV channel of his preference when his innocent kid wants to watch an absolutely dumb channel.

The correct solution: But Tata Sky Plus. The moment you hear a question, Hit the pause button, request for the question to be repeated, reply with a clear state of mind “No, I can’t”, hit the play button and continue on your knowledge enhancement.

Learning lessons from your wife is a continuous and inevitable process. If you want to see some of the past lessons that i had learnt, see here.

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I know for sure that it will start appearing in many quizzes as

“Ayodhya Verdict split the land in Ayodhya between Hindus, Muslims and ?”

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Raj Thackeray has appealed against the verdict in SC. He has demanded a part of the land for Marathis

Ayodhya land to be declared as SEZ

Ravana while watching News to Kumbhkarana – ‘Arrey! Ab toh uth ja, #Ayodhya Verdict aa raha hai’

u go demolish neighbor’s house,he drags u to court,18 yrs later u get half his house free of cost.

We have enough Temples and Mosques; We need more clean public bathrooms!

Ayodhya verdict files prepared in OpenOffice. Thank God there is one place in India that doesn’t use pirated MS Office.

If the Supreme Court cannot decide, we can move Rajini to decide on the Ayodhya dispute

When we said we wanted peace, did they think we wanted piece piece? #Ayodhya

Top selling book after Ayodhya Verdict – Kamasutra. Helps with understanding the concepts of threesome you know :

People unhappy with Ayodhya verdict are free to appeal in “Rakhi ka Insaaf”

Everyone is confused about the judgment. Even potential rioters don’t know the ground on which they can create havoc!

Ayodhya gets its first multiplex. No movies will be shown though….

New film to be made on the #Ayodhya issue. Title of film — Amar, Akbar & Akhada

Breaking News: Mayawati just claimed the Nirmohi Akhada land n is getting hr statues erected there..

Nimorhi Akhara membeship will be doubled by this evening i guess

So Karunanidhi, did you get the answer for which Engineering degree Lord #Rama got?

The real question about the #Ayodhya verdict is: Do we have a holiday tomorrow?

who are #Nirmohi Akhara?? and why have they got a kitchen in #Ayodhya ?!

I think we need all the people who understood Inception in one go, to go to Ayodhya and decode the verdict!

#Ayodhya is currently hotter than #BritneySpears on Twitter. I can honestly say I didn’t think I’d see the day.

Tony Curtis would be shifting in his grave .. He has been kicked out of trending topics due to #Ayodhya verdict

My 3-year old girl shouts:”Babba, this boy is fighting on TV.” I rush in to see #Arnab Goswami talking to the reporter on #Ayodhya verdict.

Really I thought Sitaji was taken away from a forest near Ayodhya !

My earnest request to TCS , Ab toh #Ayodhya #Verdict bhi agaya , ab toh joining letter de do !!

This is the time So many Temple Construction company Going to bid for the upcoming Tendor in ayodhya / Now art can win here

Summary of ayodhya vrdct -Babar accused of illegal land acquisition,

The Buddhists are out in numbers and shouting the verdict is Dalai (the lie) of the century

Ravana must have had a long flight from Lanka to Ayodhya !

 Mere samne waali khidki mein, ek Nirmohi Akhara rehta hai

Dig anywhere in India and you’ll probably find evidence of a temple. ASI-why waste time?

No land allotted for a Mayawai Statue. Outrage!

Meanwhile, in another news, the chappal chors of Ayodhya have welcomed the verdict with both hands.

The truth behind bulk SMS banning is to stop kalmadi jokes and not the Ayodhya verdict

 Moral of the story. Ayodhya enters the rare list of successful men who accomplished their common dream. A threesome.

The Idols at the Ayodhya site were planted by the U.P Police…….Chulbul Pandey told me

Kid to mother : mamma i too want a piece of land, every1 in my class has one

Who is Nirmohi Akhara..  a group of monks headed by Kalmadi who claimed ayodhya belongs to them

Barkha Dutt got facial done today – gotta look pretty for #Ayodhya verdict coverage

My mom says Ayodhya Ram ki hai..bas. So what are we arguing about?

Watching this Ayodhya Verdict on TV is a matter of deciding who you hate less.Barkha Dutt,Rajdeep Sardesai or Arnab Goswami.

The judges must be photographers – Following the “rule of thirds”

INDIAN WINS BIG OUTSOURCING CONTRACT! Jerusalem, Palestine, Israel issue to be resolved by Allahabad High Court!!!! #

overheard in office: vaastu consultants being sought after by the 3 parties

The verdict wont be uploaded as the High Court does not have an Orignal Version of Windows.

The way media is pimping it, I am surprised they dont yet hv an Airtel Ayodhya Verdict or a Pepsi Judgment Day!

Paul, the octopus baba should predict the Ayodhya verdict.. it would have been a matter of seconds instead of 6 decades!!!

Lady Shankar Mahadeavn on Times Now, she is not even stopping to take a breath!

The #ayodhya verdict postponed due to #Endhiran/#Robot release.

Dear Arnab, @BDUTT , @sardesairajdeep , today i’m not worried if India will behave responsibly. Its the 3 of you I’m worried about!

Do any of the three judges twitter? Then they can deliver the judgement in less than 140 characters.

The Verdict is out.. a pub will be counstructed on the land. operated by Vijay Mallya. Divided by Religion.. United by Kingfisher!

Want to watch verdict live on TV, but son wants to watch #pogo, well at least he understands what he is watching, so let him be…

 I’ve never seen so much fuss about such an old erection.

Ayodhya Verdict Leaked: Land To Go To IIPM

Verdict is bigger than Mahabharata epic & it will require another 20 years or Lord Krishna to interpret it.All eyes on ISKON centre #

If i were responsible for the Ayodhya verdict, Shankar Mahadeavn would be performing in front of the court now!

Okay, verdict gonna get delivered in some minutes from nw. Only question, will it b a BOY or GIRL.

Ayodhya Verdict is no.2 in worldwide trending!!! And some Actor Tony Curtis is no.1…what the hell…common fellows…whip up…

Google should incorporate sticks and stones into their logo to honor the #ayodhya verdict

Cant they just let Mayawati make another mansion at the disputed site in Ayodhya?

Judgment shortly on Ayodhya title suit; Justice SU Khan, Justice Sudhir Agarwal, Justice DV Sharma start proceedings to pronounce verdict. The Allahabad High Court website has already crashed .. they should’ve decided to announce the verdict on Twitter in 140 chars or less

Few mins to go for Ayodhya verdict, Barkha Dutt and Rajdeep Sardesai look like they have ants in their pants

It doesn’t matter what Allahabad HC says about Ayodhya Verdict. The question is, “Who will Google maps call its rightful owner?”.

It’s easy to see why the Ayodhya verdict is taking so long. 60-year-olds take a while to reach climax.

Is kalmadi somehow involved with the Ayodhya verdict? It is utter chaos out there

Who is Actor Tony Curtis?? what he is doing between Allahabad High Court & Ayodhya verdict ?

The courtroom doors have been locked from the inside and out! Next they will be letting out black or white smoke through a chimney.

The Ayodhya verdict was out on all Pakistani news websites yesterday itself. I don’t know why we’re all waiting in anticipation here.

Quick question. Who’s the official sponsor for Ayodhya Verdict 2010?

Media celebrates a crisis. It brings in TRPs. Whether Sonakshi slips on a ramp or its the Ayodhya verdict, its the same to them.

@ShashiTharoor I’m surprised you have nothing to say about the Ayodhya verdict, the entire nation is talking about it

Ayodhya verdict mpore confusing that Ram Gopal Verma ki Aag

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The day is not far away when you walk into a Hindu-bar and the menu will look like this:

Drinks:

• Go-mata Sherbet
• Goratna soup
• Gaai-Bains-Peshab-MurgaPoonch (MurgaPoonch – Cocktail)
• Dhoodh-Peshab MurgaPoonch
• Shudh Peshab
• 98% unleaded Peshab
• 95% unleaded Peshab

Main Course:

• Frozen Peshab sticks
• Gobar Pie
• Gobar Pizza (with Peshab topping)
• Goratna kurma
• Paneer Gobar Masala

God help these guys. Actually, God help us from these guys!

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Technorati Tags: bill clinton barack obama george bush american president election

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“My dear brothers and sisters of Chennai, don’t believe the statements made by the scientists. They are in connivance with the minority DMK government. It is not “E” “l” (pronounced eee-yell) Nino which is responsible for your suffering, but EEE-Yell-ThamizhThanniMagan (Cousin of ThamizhKudiMagan) who is responsible. EEE-Yell-ThamizhThanniMagan is the minister of state for caps and his son has recently started a factory manufacturing monkey-caps. To increase sales, their TV channel started showing lower temperatures in their weather forecasts thus leading people to believe that it is actually cold. It is not! Throw away your monkey caps. Even I have removed my shawl to prove that it is not cold (there was a highly greyed image of Jayalalitha shown without her shawl)”

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