The missing link in Ram-Sethu

First women were beaten up and chased out of the bars in the name of Hindu culture. Next, couples (even a brother-sister pair) were beaten up for being together on Valentine’s day, as we , the hindus, are supposed to celebrate only ram leela and not Valentine’s day. Now, Cow Protection Department of the RSS wants us to stop drinking “phoren” soft-drinks and drink something made from cow-urine!

The day is not far away when you walk into a Hindu-bar and the menu will look like this:

Drinks:

• Go-mata Sherbet
• Goratna soup
• Gaai-Bains-Peshab-MurgaPoonch (MurgaPoonch – Cocktail)
• Dhoodh-Peshab MurgaPoonch
• Shudh Peshab
• 98% unleaded Peshab
• 95% unleaded Peshab

Main Course:

• Frozen Peshab sticks
• Gobar Pie
• Gobar Pizza (with Peshab topping)
• Goratna kurma
• Paneer Gobar Masala

God help these guys. Actually, God help us from these guys!

Well, the story unfolds in Coimbatore airport, which is probably the same size as mine and my neighbor’s apartment put together (No, i don’t live in a bungalow, but a regular sized apartment!). I was returning to Chennai by a Jet airways flight from Coimbatore. We were waiting in the lobby after having passed through the security which incidentally was almost the same as the check done by the uniformed guard outside Saravana Bhavan.
There was only one TV kept at the corner of the lobby right next to a mobile coffee shop. So, while Vidhya, Akshara and Vidhya’s mom were seated in the front, i went to the corner to find a seat to watch TV. I had just settled down when i felt a sudden itching sensation on the top of my foot (I was wearing a slipper). It was like something had scratched my foot. I jumped up in surprise. The lady at the coffee shop said “Its ok sir. It was just a rat which ran over your foot. It has run away. Don’t worry”. Since i too saw something running away from me, i kind of calmed down.But, i felt an itch near the knee and on my thigh. So, i was there in the airport, jumping up and down and feeling the sides of my fearing that a rat had gone inside. But, i didn’t manage to find anything.
So, i went over to the place where Vidhya was sitting and started narrating this experience. Vidhya got worried and asked me to consult the airport doctor as a precautionary measure. But, i reassured her that it would be ok and started joking about the situation. A few minutes had passed and i felt an itch on my waist at the back and it seemed to “travel” to the left! I quietly excused myself to go to the rest room, just to ensure that all was ok.
Since it was an airport, i guess that the restroom was also designed like the ones inside an airplane, an extremely small box with not even enough room to stretch my hands in either direction. Once inside this box, i undid my pant’s buckle and to my utter shock, out jumped an itsy bitsy teenie weenie rattie (Just to make it rhyme!).
Well, it looked like one rat was chasing another and the one chasing took a wrong turn and went up my pants. This rat had just spent almost 5 minutes inside my pants and it was obvious that both of us (the rat and i) were relieved to be relieved of this imprisonment! The rat was delirious with joy and started running all over the place. Well, all over the place wasn’t much, as there wasn’t much space to run around. i guess that this rat, before entering my pants, was practising for the upcoming rat-race in coimbatore because it started running in circles along the wall of this small room. This rat didn’t look like a sprinter, but a marathon runner. So, it would be some time before this rat stopped his practice.
But, there was a problem. i was in the way with my pants down to the ankles. Taking the size of the room into consideration and doing a quick calculation using the formula time = distance/speed, i realised that there wasn’t enough time for me to bend down and pull up my pants until the rat reached me on the next round. So, there was i was , with my pants down and jumping up such that my jump exactly coincided with that point of time when the rat was near me. But, i wasn’t good at skipping and hadn’t played the game where two people on either side of you rotate the skipping rope and the person in the middle jumps up to avoid the skipping rope. So, i knew that it wasn’t going to be long before i misjudged my jump and landed right on top of the rat! The animal lover that i am, i wasn’t interested in harming this little guy. So, i had to do something and it better be fast.
One option was to just open the door and run out. But, this wasn’t the kind of restroom where you have a big room with wash basins and the WCs were inside this room. This was just a room WC. You open the door and walk out to the full view of the airport. I couldn’t do this because my pants weren’t where they were supposed to be. So, i took the drastic measure of jumping a little higher once and jumping on to the closet (hoping that it was not a low-quality one!). It survived and we (the rat and i) did too! Some more calculations later, i jumped on the floor and managed to run out of the room leaving the rat inside to finish off his marathon practice.
Once out of the room, i went to the airport security and asked to meet the airport doctor. He told me that a new doctor had been appointed the previous day and he was on leave that day! He wanted to know what had happened and i explained the situation briefly to him. He said” Sir, it must be the common rat, nothing to worry. Nothing will happen”!!! Common rat it may be, but there was nothing common about a rat in my pants!
it was time for my flight to leave, so i had to leave the airport after writing a complaint in the suggestion box. But, i guess it will be passed on as toilet paper in the restroom!

Moral of the story: Never ever be stuck in the middle of a rat-race!

One of the most popular pages on my site is the one about Dumb Charades. I remember from back in school/college that dumbcharades was one of the most popular games played within a group, of course next to Antakshari. Another game very popular in India (and, as i found out, very popular in Cyprus too) is the game of Tambola. It is also known as Bingo or Housie.
When i was working/staying in bangalore, our apartment used to organise Bingo once a month with the tickets priced at 2 rupees each. We used to be 5 guys (fresh from college s/w engineers) staying together. While other bought 1 or 2 tickets each, we used to go and buy 10 to 15 tickets each , virtually dictating the way the event was conducted. Others didn’t complain, for we contributed to the big prize money in the pool. But, more often than not, we cornered most of the prizes due to the heavy probability in our favour.
I have been conducting Bingo sessions in our outdoor events at work for few years now. I do it a bit differently and as far as i know, it has been well received. Traditionally Bingos (or is it Bingoes) have cash prizes for the first five, the three rows and a full house, the cash prizes coming from the sale of the tickets. In the tambola events i organise, i do give out cash prizes, but also lot of other small gifts which can be souvenirs, fridge magnets, tshirts and pracically anything else which is not so expensive. If i do manage to get sponsors, then the big gifts come out. So, if you are organising a bingo, try to get a budget for it and then buy many small gifts and give them out apart from the cash prizes. if you don’t get a budget, make a guess as to the amount of money you will collect and then pre-buy gifts for that amount.
Now that you have so many gifts, how are you going to give them away if there are only 4 prizes (3 rows + 1 full house)? This is where you have to do things differently. i have given below the list (in random order) of all bingo “events” for which i have given away prizes. You can pick and choose from the list below based on the number of gifts you have, your interest level in organising the event, the time available for the event (more the prizes, more the time ) and the interest level of the players.

• Anyone with the number 1 on their ticket. If all players have bought the full column, change it to – Anyone with number 1 on their topmost ticket – i usually start off with this one giving all the ppl 1 cent/1 rupee as a prize!
• Apart from the three rows, you can also give a prize for the first 4 columns i.e. the first and the last number on the first and the last row.
• If you are playing Bingo with a group of really enthusiastic people, you can also add prizes for the 5 columns on a ticket. Each column is not defined as the column appearing on the ticket, but as the respective numbers. Eg: 1st column would be the 1st number on each row irrespective of where the numbers actually are.
• It will be a morale-booster to also have a unlucky-one prize for the one who is the last to get a number on his ticket.
• If your group contains people of both sexes and of different ages, you can give prizes based on boys/girls or kids/parents/grand parents etc i.e a prize to the kid with the most/least number of numbers marked on a ticket.
• You can also play around with mathematics (if you have people buying an entire column) such a 1 number in 1 ticket, 2 numbers in another ticket and 3 numbers in another or any such combination.
• You can give prizes for combination of numbers in the rows i.e. 1 number on a row, 2 on another and 3 on the other.
• While selling tickets, give discounts to people buying the entire column ( 6 tickets). This will encourage people to buy the set which gives you more options to give prizes.
• Giving away absolutely junk prizes in the middle will keep the audience entertained. Eg: After giving away lot of prizes, the person to receive a prize will be looking forward to a goo prize. Then you can suddenly call for a combination which you expect many to have and call all of them to get a prize. You could then give each of them a chocolate or something equally silly!
• If you run out of allocated prizes for the first session on Bingo towards the end, but people are still interested, you can always give out free tickets for the next session as a prize.

Hope these tips help you in organising a good game of Bingo!
Btw, if you don’t have the cards to play, you can check this post for a link with which you can print Bingo cards for free.

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What do the above lines mean to you?
If you are a follower of/believer in the vedas, you would recognise the above as lines from rig veda and would start on trying the understand the meaning conveyed by the lines. If you are a quizzer, you would look at these lines as a probable source of esoteric questions which you as the quiz master would only ever know. But, if you are an expecting parent, then these lines would be a treasure trove of possible unpronounceable names which you would carefully note down in your “Big book of names for my baby”!
This is where Confuso-Kiddo-Name-o-graphy, the art of getting confused by writing down too many baby names, comes into the picture. Recently, my friends had a kid and when we visited them in the hospital, i saw a fat book lying beside the bed. On picking it up and looking inside (i didn’t see the cover), i saw lot of strange words and their meanings. I was wondering as to why she was reading Rosenblum’s word-list for GRE. Then, on seeing the cover , i realised that it was not the rosenblum book, but a book on Hindu baby names written by “I-shall-unlock-all-the-cages-in-zoos” Menaka Gandhi.
The book was in fact, more confusing that a GRE word list. I guess what Menaka would have done is to copy over the english transliterations of all the holy writings of Hinduism into Excel, then sorted them and then added a random meaning to each one of them. Well, a normal person wouldn’t anyway know what a name such as “Caksusa” really meant. He would just go by what is written in the book. It must be the easiest book she must have ever written!
Sometimes, being born an Indian has many disadvantages – for the parents. They have the unfortunate task of naming the child according to zillions of naming conventions. Imagine if the child is Cypriot, they have just few names like Andreas, Christos, Nicos and the feminine forms of them. So, it is pretty easy to choose amongst them. Parents who are a bit religious and want to do things the traditional way would rely upon numerology, the baby’s horoscope, vaastu (the location where the baby was delivered and the direction the mom was facing when delivering the baby) , vedic mathematics and few other dozen rules. After doing all the above calculations, if they end up with a restriction that the name should start with the letter “Q” or “X”, they immediately turn modern and name the child Pinky, Rocky, Sweety etc.
Americans have it easier still. They can name their children bush, gate, forest or based on practically any word taken from a regular dictionary. Take the case of Tiger Woods. Earl and Kutilda, tiger woods’ parents were going for a walk in the remote forests of Vietnam. Kutilda was heavily pregnant at that time. When they went around a corner, Earl suddenly saw what he thought was a tiger and yelled out “There is a tiger in the woods”. Kutilda went into a shock and delivered a healthy baby. Considering it a good sign, they named the child “Tiger Woods”.
Back to our case – We Indians have to consider a lot of things other than the above mentioned factors in naming a child.

• In today’s global village, we have to even consider how americans would react to the name. What if the name was “Manish Bhatt”. Americans would be talking about Manish’s butt whenever they refer to him. We can’t even name our kids with our favourites like Raghunathan Ramakrishnan or Somasundaram Pattabbiraman, as americans find it difficult to pronounce anything more than 2 syllables.
• We also have to think about the possible nicknames that could arise from the name when your kid goes to college. If there are many possible nicknames, rest assured that the one with the most vulgar meaning will be the one with which your child is christened in college.
• You also have to attend french classes, german classes and classes of few other popular languages to check if the name you have thought of doesn’t have any unintended meanings in these languages.

After all this confusion, many parents give up and name their kid some shit, i mean Samchit!

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Hotel Saravana Bhavan started in Chennai in the year 1981 (almost as old as me!) with the K.K.Nagar branch. We moved to K.K.Nagar in the year 1990 and from the first time i tasted the famous Saravana Bhavan sambhar, there was no looking back. I was addicted to it.
Back then, when there was no concept of pocket money/allowance, it was hard work trying to “collect” enough money for a visit to the hotel. There was a tacit understanding with my mom that any “unattended” coin with a value of <= 1 rupee could be claimed by me as mine. There were other sources of income too. I would always immediately respond to anyone's call for help in recovering coins which would have fallen behind tables/shelves. I would attempt (or rather attempt to attempt) to recover those coins, but ensure that i make back-breaking groans and moans when i do so. This would immediately prompt my mom to say "It's ok. Leave it if you cannot reach it" and the coin would be forgotten. But the location would be promptly stored in my mind and when the time/need arrived, i would go over and, with the slightest of ease, recover the valuable 50 paise. So, once i had collected 7 rupees (the price of a sada dosa back then), I would run over to Saravana Bhavan and enjoy a sada dosa with the three types of Chutney, the sambhar and the Molaga Podi. Pure Bliss!
But, when my brother started growing older, there was competition for the stray coins. My mom, realising the rising inflation along with the competition from my brother, increased the threshold of coins defined as “stray” to 2 rupees! So, from then on, the only hotel i swore by, the only hotel which i considered worth visiting has always been Saravana Bhavan.
So, it is no surprise that i look forward to this whenever i visit Chennai. I was in Chennai last week and had been to Saravana Bhavan. Then began the ordeal!
It was around 7 in the evening and the place was full of people. So, it was tough to find a place. I had to wait a few minutes to find one empty seat on a table of four. But, considering the humidity in Chennai in summer, this place was a wrong choice as it was far away from the reach of the ceiling fans. So, i didn’t place my order and was on the lookout for a better table. To my luck, a place on the other side of the room (just below a fan) was vacated. So, i jumped up and walked across the room. But, it looked like i was not the only one with this idea. Another guy, who was unfortunately nearer, occupied this seat before i could go over. Disappointed, i turned back to go to my place. But, even this was gone now as it was forcible occupied by the family on the next table who decided to give a separate chair to a child not even tall enough to reach the table. No wonder there is so much competition in India for everything! So, i was back on the waiting list. Luckily, all this action was seen by a waiter who was kind enough to come over and volunteer to find a good place for me. True to his words, he found a good seat – right under the fan. After thanking him a lot, i sat down to enjoy a good meal.
Now, i had to order stuff. In the past, when i had been on month long home leaves, i usually start ordering based on the serial number on the menu and go one by one. But this time, I was in India for just a week and it was already the 4th day into this week. So, this concept would not work. I had to go for plan B which was to either choose according to my likes or according to availability. If i were to go based on my liking, it had to be one of the dosas accompanied by the sambar. What i meant by “availability” is the probability of getting that particular item back in Cyprus. Yes, we do get Dosas in the Keralam restaurant in Cyprus, but i have to drive a 100 kms and pay a humongous 14 dollars for a single masala dosa, but theoretically, dosas are available and so they are out of consideration. Then, it had to be the famous Parotta kurma. So, i ordered it. You can never have only one dish in saravana bhavan. So, for the next item, i chose the 14 idli sambhar dish. Nowadays, you might have to request for a magnifying dish as an accessory to see the “mini” idlis. The main course was done. A dinner at Saravana Bhavan is always finished with the famous “Masala Milk”, yellow in colour with the “paal edu” (that which many hate to have in their glass of milk, but which i love!) floating on top.
So, after having ordered for the Masala Milk, i went over to the wash basin. When i returned, the inevitable happened. My seat was gone, taken over by the next saravana bhavan enthusiast. Now, do i just leave and hope that my bill will be paid by this guy? But, i havent had my glass of masala milk!! There is no way I am going to leave without it. So, not knowing what to do, i slowly wander near by hitherto seat. The friendly waiter comes into the picture again, smiles and offers another seat and even brings over my water glass to my new seat.
One hour and three seat changes later, i finish my dinner. Yes, it was an ordeal, but it was worth every bit.

Yes, it is official now. Rahul Sharad Dravid, the ace Indian cricketer has officially changed his name to Drahul Dravid. Drahul called a media conference yesterday and announced this to the world. A few days back, Rahul Dravid and his family had gone to their native temple in Indore, Madhya Pradesh for this name-changing ceremony.

Okay, they are not blonde, but they do represent what “dumb blondes” are supposed to be famous for – their dumbness. Yesterday’s episode of “Kya Aap Panchvi pass sey tez hai” was a special episode with stars from TV soaps making their appearance on the show and wining money for charity.
Sarah Khan(Sadhna) and Parul Chauhan (Ragini) of “Sapna Babul Ka….Bidaai” were on first and right from the start, they seemed to be perfect candidates to fail a 5th class exam. Usually on the show, insets are shown about the educational achievements of the participants to embarrass them further if they don’t answer a question. But, this was not the case for these two. Maybe, the producers knew that even after “preparing” them for the show, they would make a fool of themselves, that he decided not to embarrass them further. Or, they became models at such an early age that they didn’t have time to complete class 5. How else would you explain the following responses:
Question 1 – Find the number of common nouns beginning with the letter “B” in the following sentence: In Bombay, I met Billoo with a basket in a blue bus.
So, the stars (the two girls) start thinking aloud. Parul says, “Basket and bus must be the two common nouns”. But, the smarter Sara says, “What about Bombay, it is a common place, so it must be a common noun”!!!!
The producers then realised that their questions would prove too tough for this pair, but it was too late. Maybe they should have put Timbuktoo instead of Bombay, then Sara would have said, “Timbuktoo is not such a common place, so it cannot be a common noun”

Question 2 – Neil Armstrong was the first person on the moon. Which country does he belong to?
Parul is quite confident and she says “America”. Shah Rukh, who is aware of their dumbness, wants to take them for a ride and says, “That is the name of the continent. I am looking for the name of the country”. Immediately, the smart Sara says, “New York?”. Shah Rukh then realises that any further discussion would embarrass the entire TV fraternity, so he accepts America and closes the question.

Question 3 – Which is the only mammal which can fly like a bird?
Parul, who has until now been overshadowed in being dumb by Sara, decides to take matter into her own hands and confidently says, “Kangaroo”. Shah Rukh, desperately containing his laughter, goes to the center of the stage and imitates the movement of a Kangaroo and asks, “Are you sure that a Kangaroo flies like a bird?”.

The producers by then had decided that they had had enough of this smart duo and decided to end their round and call on the next group. Now, i realise why TV soaps are so slow and prolong each and every scene. It is not the intention of the director, but it is the adaptability of the TV stars that is the problem. They seem to be so dumb that it takes them forever to understand and show an expression and the director has no other choice, but to capture the entire thing on camera!

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An exclusive sneak peek at the new costume that the cheerleaders would wear at the Mumbai indians – deccan chargers match today in Mumbai. These costumes were designed by the famous gay (oops, guy) Karan Johar.

The post “Games we forgot” on hawkeye was one of those posts that you back to your childhood days and bring back fond memories. There are a lot of games mentioned in his post and i remembered having played many of those. If you can’t recollect any of the games mentioned below, check out his post.
Kings: I remember having played this game event until the end of high school. It is a fast paced game and i was good at it, as it required the person inside the circle (or whatever field) to be pretty athletic in avoiding the ball. Of course, I have had embarrassing moments in school when, out of over-enthusiasm, i do too many acrobatic stunts and end up with my pants torn in all the wrong places!
Chains: This game was very popular in my apartment, but only when the girls were also present. Contrary to other games in the same category, there was a great demand to become the catcher, because the catcher would first “choose” the girl who he wants to hold hands with, make her out and enjoy the rest of the game holding her hands!
French Cricket: This was played when we didn’t have the required strength to play a proper game of cricket. A good cricket player would have lot of fun in this kind of game, as it was almost impossible to get a good cricket player in this form of the game. The others, pity them, as they would be spending the entire time running to all parts of the “open” field, as there was rarely a n”end” to the field.
Hide n’ seek (Kannam M/Poochi): This was a standard game, but we used to play it on our terrace. Thinking of the places i used to hide in gives me the jitters now, as our terrace was the fourth floor and i used to climb on top of the tanks and even down the water pipes by the side of the building to the sunshades on the windows of the third floor flats.
Hand Tennis: The usual rules of tennis, except that the racquet is replaced by the palm. Our moms used to be the water-moms. The water was not for drinking, but for cooling the reddened palms.
Chalk Cricket: We used to play this at school, where a ruler replaced a bat and a chalk replaced a ball. The chalk (usually 1/2 a chalk) was placed vertically on the table (serving as a pitch) and it had to be flicked towards the batsman (which constitutes a delivery). We even had different scores based on which girl you managed to hit, ranging from +6 (the highest) to -2(the lowest). Few of the girls also knew this scoring system and we have had many an argument for the validity of the rating.
Unfortunately, the games which people (from the South) usually recollect are Goli (marbles) and Gilli-Danda, both of my which i have never played! I am sure that there are many more that i have played and forgotten and i hope that some blog post comes along the way which refreshes my memory.