Jun 27

Dogs, no sex please!

humour, photo No Comments »
Sign posted outside a bakery in Limassol, Cyprus

The Cypriots love their cats. They are all over the place. The cats even have a monastery for themselves called the Cat Monastery. But, the poor dogs, they don’t even have the basic rights! God save them!

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written by Rajaram S

May 24

What more ? New Coach ?

cricket, humour, ICC World Cup 1 Comment »
What more does the Indian Team want? The Indian team wants Whatmore. I am worried by the current trend of demands put forth by the Indian team. They want more perks, they want the restrictions on the number of ads they can appear removed, they want more salaries and now they want whatmore!
This is ridiculous. What more can a cricket board provide for its players?
Whatless, a 21 yr old woman from Trinidad and Tobago was shocked at the way the Indian cricket team played their game in the world cup and now, when she heard that they wanted whatmore, she burst out into profanities and even composed a song extempore.
Dude, this is a song by whatless,
for a cricket team which is toothless!
When ur bowlers bowl the ball,
it gets hit to the next-door mall.
when ur batsman face west-indies
they start peeing in their undies!
How dare you ask for what more?
In fact, you won’t even get whatless!

Whatmore, on hearing this song, had words of praise for whatless and even proposed marriage to her and wanted to raise “more or less” a family.

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written by Rajaram S

May 03

What i have learned from my wife

humour, wedding No Comments »
or is it learnt ? I have always known the past tense of learn as learnt. So, when i saw this “writing project“, asking bloggers to write a post on what they have learned from XXX, i was confused. I then checked many pages online to sort this out. It seems that Americans use learned more than learnt, while UK English stipulates that the past tense of learn as learnt. I found this surprising because Americans have the tendency to do away with anything that they feel is unnecessary like the u in colour.
Anyway, back to the writing project. I have been married for a little more than 5 years and this seemed to be an appropriate opportunity for me to write as to what i have learned from my wife.
  • I had been a fashion disaster all my life before marriage. Even after 5 years of marriage, I am still arguing about this fact by quoting various instances of fan-following at various stages of my life. I fail to understand as to why she fails to understand that pieces of thread hanging from the bottom of my worn out jeans are a fashion statement and not something befitting a pauper! Because of this, i am used to getting a “dressing down” every morning.
  • The living room couch/sofa should always be in showroom condition. Well, when i sit on the sofa, all parts of my body stretch out in different directions with the leg sometimes (ok, almost always) ending up on the hand rest. Cmon, this is my house, my sofa. I should be allowed to be comfortable on it, not sit like a junior employee in a board room meeting with just the edge on the butt placed on the seat! Another point i always raise is the fact that we are not going to get any visitors at midnight. If so, why should i take the effort to set right the sofa and the cushions on them when i go to bed at night after watching TV.
  • I am supposed to follow the Six Sigma Methodology in my daily life i.e make only 3.4 mistakes in a million tasks. But she doesn’t realise the mental stress that goes into planning so many tasks like folding up the clothes i am wearing before going to bathe or hanging the towel in a proper place after bath and not just leave it on the bed. Motorola employees do much simpler tasks, so it is easy for them to follow this methodology, not me!
  • Wash my face every 15.3 minutes to always remain fresh. I know whether i am feeling fresh or not. How can she decide that I am not feeling fresh and force me to have a face-wash. I go to the extent of even doing some acrobatic exercises to prove to her that in spite of the fact that my face might look like i have just gotten out of bed, I am feeling fresh and fit!
  • Finally, Vidhya was the one who suggested to write about “What i learned from my wife” for this writing project on Middle Zone Musings. So, she finally makes a decision which she is going to regret about :-)

written by Rajaram S

Mar 23

India will win the ICC world cup

cricket, humour, ICC World Cup 4 Comments »
so says this email forward which got today. It also quotes various “mysterious” coincidences between India’s world cup victory in 1983 and the current world cup. Btw, non-tamilians might not understand the dialogues in the pictures below.
I hope that i don’t have to update this post after today’s India-Sri Lanka match!
Update after the India-Sri Lanka match: Ok, The theories below have “almost” been proven wrong. “Almost” because, i still hope that today’s Bangaldesh-Bermuda match has been fixed by the biggies at BCCI.

Trivia – 1
Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
2 years later India won the Cricket world Cup!!!

Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died
2 years later Will India win the Cricket world Cup ?????

Trivia -2
1982 Football World Cup won by Italy
1983 Cricket World Cup won by India

2006 Football World Cup won by Italy
2007 Cricket World Cup will be won by India ??

Trivia -3
1983 Cricket World Cup India lost its first match by 5 wickets
2007 Cricket World Cup India lost its first match by 5 wickets


Haiyo!!! Haiyo!!!
Ippadiyae usuppethi usuppethi udamba ranakalama akkittanungappa!!!!
Innumada engala nambikkittirukinga?

written by Rajaram S

Feb 27

Rajini and Karunanidhi, the Chief Minister

humour, Movies 1 Comment »

Rajini and Karunanidhi, the Chief Minister

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written by Rajaram S

Feb 21

The history of the Mallu Nairs

humour 91 Comments »
To understand the origin of the Mallu Nairs, we first have to understand the history of the Tamilians, the neighbours of the mallus.
Long Long Ago, only Brahmins lived in TamilNadu. They are nowadays popularly known as Tambrahms. When the English first landed on the shores of Tamil Nadu, much before they had explored other continents, they were surprised to see people who spoke a strange language , wore strange clothes , even had strange markings on their forehead and other parts of the body. So, when they enquired around (in English of course), there were few who ran away and there were few who answered “Naan Brahmin” and then ran away fearing that the English would spoil their orthodox holiness. “Naan Brahmin” in Tamil means “I am a brahmin”. The English were not expected to understand this and classified this group of people as non-Brahmins. Thus, Non-Brahmins came into being and the English exploited this to create the caste system in India. In fact, all south Indians were only vegetarians at that time. A similar misunderstanding led to few people being understood as non-vegetarians and thus forced to eat meat.
Now, Brahmins consisted only of Iyers in the olden days. But, there were two “different” classes of iyers. One, who worked for daily wages and the other, who had their own businesses. The second category prospered over the years and eventually made enough money to buy and import cars from England. This group wanted to differentiate itself from the daily wage group. So, whenever they had to introduce themselves, they always said “Iyer with car”.Over the next 132 years, this phrase “Iyer with car” slowly evolved to “Iyengar”. Thus started the quest for dominance between the Iyers and the Iyengars.Since the Iyengars had cars, they slowly moved towards the eastern part of Tamil Nadu near the coast, where they made broad roads like the modern ECR, while the Iyers moved onto the hills close to the borders of Kerala.
Now back to Mallu nairs. When the British reached Kerala and started moving inwards towards the Tamil nadu Border, they were shocked to see two similar group of people at war with each other. Both were dark, spoke unintelligible language (they learnt later that both the languages were different) and yet, were fighting each other for control of the coconuts. So, the British started enquiring. Of course, the locals didn’t know English, but were proud of their own culture and identity. Since the British (through Knowledge Transfer) from their counterparts who landed in Tamil nadu, already knew about Iyers, they assumed that all dark people in this people were Iyers. So, they started addressing even the Mallus as Iyers. This enraged the mallus a lot and they started adding “Not an Iyer” at the end of their names like Harish “Not an Iyer”, Anil “Not an Iyer”. Because of the accent of the Mallus and the evolving of language over time, the surname “Not an Iyer” stuck to the mallus and it eventually transformed to Nair. Thus, we have harish Nair and Anil Nair.
All you Nairs, be proud of your history and be proud of the fact that you are “not an Iyer”.
Note: Looking at the comments, it looks like people are taking this post seriously and have started defending mallus/nairs and offending everyone else! Guys (and Gals), this post is meant to be taken in a light note. I am a s/w engineer, not a genealogist, So please don’t start off advising me on the history of the various groups. If you even have an iota of thought that anything that is written makes sense, thank you!
Note 2: If your comment has not appeared here (after a day or two), it is a deliberate act of mine and not a technical glitch. I am not approving comments which are full of expletives/hate stuff directed towards any group of people, be it mallus, iyers, tamilians or even punjabis! This article was intended in good humour, but if you dont get it or dont want to interpret it so, i can’t help it. But, i can’t let morons (like the ones hanging around on the rediff.com forums) start a hate war between communities or groups on my blog!
Note 3: After spending the last 4 years (after writing the above) on intensive research, i am almost ready to publish the history of the Mallu Menons. So, keep watching this space :-)

written by Rajaram S

Feb 16

If America wants more oil

humour 4 Comments »
It doesn’t need to invade Iraq, Iran or other Gulf countries in the pretext of them having Nuclear weapons, Bazookas, water-guns or firecrackers, but all it needs to do is to invade the European country of Cyprus.
Cyprus, is it a country, never heard of it or seen it on the map. Well, don’t feel bad if you are asking these questions. Many do. Because, Cyprus is small enough to be conveniently ignored on many maps. How do you put a country 400*200 Kms across on a world map ? Well, by a dot. Many of us would think that printing ink accidentally spilled in the middle of the Mediterranean sea and ignore it.
If you knew Cyprus, you must be wondering what America would gain, in terms of oil, if it invaded Cyprus.Welcome to the European Underworld, governed by the governing body of the EU. A Cyprus Pound is worth more than 2.2 USD, not because of the million-odd half-naked britishers who come to this island every year in search of the sun and the sea, but because of the flourishing underground oil business.
But, before i reveal the truth, i need to take you into confidence. Not many, including Cypriots, know about this and you must never talk about this to any person named Andreas, Christos or Giorgos. Cypriot men have either of the three mentioned names only and you can be safe by this way that you don’t reveal this to Cypriots. What about Cypriot women, you might ask. Forget them, they never have time outside the beauty Parlours.
The secret to the oil business in Cyprus are … paper napkins. Yes, the very ordinary paper napkins you find on all the tables at the restaurant. Cyprus is one of the world leaders in the manufacture of paper napkins. Cyprus has brilliantly used these to “throw sand in the eyes” of the British and American Oil scouts. Indian politicians were implicated in the “Food for Oil” scam with Saddam’s Husseins government in Iraq. But, they were just the scapegoats. The actual culprits were the Cypriots.
It all starts with the simple humble Bread Pakoda. Since it is an Indian dish, no one in Cyprus really cares about the quantity of these made in the local restaurants here. Cyprus exports thousands of these bread pakodas to Iraq and Iran. They are shipped back to Cyprus. No, not because there are not tasty. They were not meant to be eaten in the first place. These bread pakodas are re-processed, filled with oil, in secret plants in Iraq and Iran and shipped back to Cyprus. Since there are hundreds of Indians working in my company and other offshore companies in Cyprus, no one really bothers about the tons of bread pakodas landing on the shores of Cyprus. They just comment “Ah! it must be for the Indians, they eat all such crazy spicy stuff!” and let it pass through.
Now comes the genius of the Cyprus underworld. They take these bread pakodas to remote factories within the troodos mountains and extract the oil within them using plain paper napkins. These paper napkins are then repacked and exported to African countries. What the world sees is that Cyprus is exporting paper napkins, but the reality is that Cyprus is actually exporting illegal Gulf Oil to African countries to fund the ganglords there.
Now, you might ask, how did i come to know of this? No, I am not involved with the Cyprus Mafia. No process is bug-free. Some of the bread pakodas which come from Iraq into Cyprus somehow fell into the wrong hands, that of the caterer supplying stuff to my company and he, seeing the weird name, promptly assumed it to be exotic Indian stuff and supplied it to our kitchenettes.
In the below series of pictures, you can see the way by which i unearthed this underworld secret. As i said before, don’t ever share this information with any andreas, christos or giorgos!

written by Rajaram S

Jan 18

Racism against Shilpa Shetty in Big Brother

humour, Movies No Comments »
So says the media, so say the thousands of people who have written in to voice their opinions. I have only seen a few clips which were again and again shown on NDTV, Sky and Star News.But, i have my own opinions as to whether what happened could be called racism. Even if it were racist, it is after-all happening in a reality show, pretty much like a movie. Would someone complain if a movie had racist dialogues or had scenes of racism. It is a show which is supposed to have its melodrama to attract an audience.In fact, the producers of Big Brother would the ones most pleased with whats happening right now, because its drawing in audience, big time!Just because the people in the house don’t speak rehearsed dialogues doesn’t mean that they don’t qualify for all the liberties awarded to movies. If there are sections offended by the show, let it be given a suitable rating.Ok, Shilpa Shetty was called “The Indian” and the “paki” by other housemates, but is it something new for Indians?Wherever we go, we are the target of racist attacks. Other way to look at is that whoever makes these racist comments are doing so, because he has an inferiority complex looking at the growth/success of a “browner” kind and hurling abuses are the only way to quench his anger.
Well, at the end of the day, Shilpa Shetty for one reason or the other is responsible for the massive increase in viewership of Big Brother and I am sure that they will try their best to keep her in and kick the rest out!

written by Rajaram S

Jan 10

The facts behind Saddam’s hanging

humour No Comments »
Slowly, but surely, many facts about what happened in the days prior to Saddam’s hanging are being uncovered by the world media. Tapped phone calls reveal that Saddam and other accused undergoing the trial had many rounds of discussions with someone in an African country. There were also some speculations that Al-Qaeda was making these international phone calls to destinations faraway from USA in the hope that USA might send some of its troops to each of these places thus leaving only George Bush in the mainland USA to defend the country.
Sources say that there were extensive debates between the Iraqi Regime, George Bush, Tony Blair, Sasha Baron Cohen(Borat) and Al-Qaeda’s spokesperson as to the way Saddam should be dealt with. Borat was always put in the conference call to act as a mediator as he had had extensive cultural learnings in the USA to make benefit other countries. Al-Qaeda expressed a keen interest in this, as they felt that Osama Bin Laden would also have to go through the same process when he is captured and put on trial just before the November 2008 American elections.
Weeks before the mid-term elections, the Iraqi regime had called on George Bush to find out what had to be done with Saddam Hussein, as his food bill was proving to be too expensive for the Iraqi government. Bush said, “Hang on for some more time, I am busy as it is just before the mid-term elections”. Unfortunately, there was no translator available and the little English that the Iraqis knew, they understood it as “Hang him some time before the mid-term elections”.
So, the Iraqis announced to the world that they were hanging Saddam. The media started collecting the reactions from around the world. One very famous news channel called NDTV started talking to people around India and the very first person they spoke to was the chairperson of the National Muslim league. This guy would have, under normal circumstances, blabbered something about the ruling Congress Party being responsible for the mess in Iraq etc. But, our smart NDTV reporter asked him, “As a devout Muslim, what is your opinion about this?”. This triggered a response of the day being a festival day for Muslims and the like. Then, the reporter goes to the head of the Indian Christian Front and asks him “Do you think Saddam is a direct descendant of Adam and the US is trying to project him as a Muslim?”. That guy replies,
The news is so bad,
that it makes me very sad.
A person called Saddam,
whose ancestor was Addam (rhyme it here please)
is being hung,
in a country far-flung!

Bush took extreme precautions to prevent a Fahrenheit 911 kind of video happening again with Saddam’s hanging, but an amateur videomaker who wanted to make a movie like “The Blair witch project” started shooting the hanging of Saddam and released the video “The Hangman project”.
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written by Rajaram S

Jan 05

Sehwag is the worst Indian opener

humour No Comments »

so says gooogle …

indian cricket team virendar sehwag

Check out Gooogie for more such revealing facts.

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written by Rajaram S

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