Thoughts of a Rambler

To hell with the new state! I am really pissed off with the decision to form the new state. As a proud Tamilian, i am hurt by this decision of the congress government.

Until now, Tamil Nadu held the monopoly over “gaana pattu” and “dappan kuthu”  songs. But that is threatened now with the formation of a new state – Telangana – whose revenue model has been conceived on the production of telugu gaana songs. Many, including the famed Burkha Dutt of NDTV, believe that there are political motivations behind the split of Andhra Pradesh. Little do they understand the sentiments of the common man and his needs.

There are multiple implications of this proposed split of Andhra Pradesh into Telangana and Andhra/2 Pradesh

• The telugu gaana industry will start making more money than the Andhra fake certificate industry. There are multiple implications of this
  • The number of graduates/post-graduates/certificate holders from Andhra will drastically reduce and thus open up opportunities for Marathis, thus pleasing HIM , thus reducing riots in maharashtra, thus leading to a reduction in burnt vehicles, thus leading to a reduction in insurance claims, thus making more profits for the insurance cartel, which is not good!
  • The number people with high percentage of marks in their graduation going to the US of A for higher studies will reduce, which will lead to a reduction of staff available for work in Andhra restaurants in California, thus leading to the closure of many such restaurants, thus leading to more people flocking to Punjabi restaurants, thus leading to more people eating Aloo Parathas, thus leading to more south indians startingto resemble the big punjabis (post marriage), which is not good.
• DJs in clubs will start belting out more telugu gaana hits than tamil folk songs and bhangra songs. Don’t ever have a doubt about the popularity of gaana songs. Even my daughter, Akshara, prefers gaana and kuthu songs over ghazals. She has even mastered the vijaykanth dance mode of sit/stand/put your hands on the head routine!
• YS Jagan Reddy, the son of late chief minister of Andhra pradesh, YS Rajsekhara Reddy, will stand to lose over 1500 crores. The logic is that YS jagan Reddy made 3000 crores  allegedly by devious means.  Now, if Telangana splits, the new politicians in telangana would obviously ask for a share of the loot as they would lose out on the kitty of 1500 crores that they can make.

Now, how do we patriotic tamilians address this serious issue?

• Pass a bill immediately in the Tamil Nadu assembly to get the word “gaana” patented such that only original tamil kuthu songs can be associated with the word “gaana”. At the same time, a memo should be sent to the centre and HIM in maharashtra clarifying that this word “gaana” has nothing to do with the Hindi word “gaana”. This has to be done before a press release is done about the patent lest Tamilians start getting beaten up by bollywood gangs.
• Arrange for a secret deal with Hyderabad and outsource the production of Biryanis to Chennai. This would infuriate the telangana politicians as one of their main reasons for asking Hyderabad was for its biryani. If the biryani were outsourced to Chennai, telanga would lose their interest in Hyderabad and thus it would reduce their access to studios capable of producing gaana songs in hyderabad.

if you can think of other ideas to help the tamil cause, do add them in the comments!

written by Rajaram S

written by Rajaram S

written by Rajaram S

Why does a mosquito always hover close to me ear and disturb my sleep? Is it because

• It is checking whether I am in a deep sleep or not, so that it can plan its strategy of attack?
• It is trying to draw blood from the sensitive part of my ear?
• It is trying to communicate to me that I am doomed for the night?

written by Rajaram S

written by Rajaram S

So, this is how the same door becomes the boarding gate for the different airlines. Didn’t know that! So, we are in the flight and comfortably settled in. Even after i explain the intricacies of low-cost carriers, my mom is not able to comprehend a flight without food. But, it was good that water was free and my mom was happy!

After some time into the flight, the flight attendants brought some food for sale. With it was also Litchi Juice costing around 30 bucks. Litchi juice of all juices! if they had brought Mango Juice, Orange Juice or even Lemon Juice, it would have been ok, but how may people actually drink Litchi Juice? I decide to skip the juice and dozed off for the rest of the flight to Pune.

Once we landed at Pune and people started disembarking, i looked out of the window and expected to see a bus/van to take us from the plane to the terminal. I had been expecting too much. It seems that you have to get down from the plane, walk across few parking lots (meant for other planes) and you enter the terminal, just like you would do in any railway station.

As we were standing inside the terminal getting used to the small building and contemplating on our next move, there was an announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last and final call for spice jet flight xxx to coimbatore. Passengers are requested to …”. Interesting, we thought. There are people who fly to Coimbatore even from Pune. A few minutes later, another announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the last and final call for spice jet flight xxx to coimbatore. Passengers are requested to …” !!! I never knew that there could be many instances of “last and final”!

The stay in Pune was very eventful and it requires a separate post. So, we finished whatever we had to do in Pune and the next day, we were on the return flight home. We were one of the first to board the flight at Pune. Looking out of the window, we saw a big group running very fast towards the plane and crowding at the base of the stairs up to the plane. Vidhya and I were discussing that this flight probably had a unreserved section and these people were the poor ones who were without seat numbers and it was a matter of “first come, first seated”.

But, as one soul entered the plane in the front, we realised that this was not the case. In came a scantily clad middle-aged man accompanied by a twenty something. Ah, this has to be a sadhu. He fitted the profile perfectly. I was right. He sat in the first seat and everyone entering after him (this was the big group) managed to somehow find enough place in the cramped aisle to prostrate completely before him and get his blessings. There were many foreigners also in tyhis group. I thought Indians went abroad and took the jobs/money of foreigners, but now i realised that we invite them to our country and do the same, saving the cost of travelling abroad. I watched the faces of the people go by. They were on cloud nine, on seventh heaven whatever you want to call it. Even an autograph or a kiss from aishwarya rai would have paled in comparison.

There was a couple seated behind us and they were on the edge of their seats to get a glance of the sadhu. I asked them who this was and they said in unision “guruji, sarath babu guruji”. Had Sarath Babu changed professions because of low returns from films ? No, it wasn’t the actor as i remembered him from his films and guruji looked a lot different.

So, after a few dozen people had finished getting their blessings, the plane was ready to depart. Until then, the air hostesses had a tough time getting people to move towards the back to their seats. It was Deja Vu! When i was in school, our school bus conductor always kept shouting at the boys to move to the back, away from the girls’ seats in the front. Anyway, after all was finally ok, the captain announced the departure.

Then, out of the blue, a guy starting running towards the front of the plane. Vidhya panicked “Was this a hijack attempt?”. I didn’t think so. The plane had not even moved and it was too early for a hijack. But, you never know, this guy could have been one of the low performers in the “School of Hijacking” and in his eagerness to pull off his first hijack, could have acted a bit too early. But, it was not so, thankfully. It seemed that he had suddenly developed some mysterious sickness and was feeling very uncomfortable and had to get off the plane. The air hostess tried to explain that it was too late now as they had already got the clearing for take-off. He started getting agitated and demanded that he disembark from the plane. The captain relented and asked him to get his baggage.

So, he got off the plane and the captain announced that there was some paperwork to be done before they left and it would take another ten minutes. Then there was an announcement “Ladies and gentleman, please check whether all your cabin baggages are still inside the plane”. Everyone panicked! Though he had gone out in clear view of everyone carrying a dark blue bag, my mom insisted that we check all our baggage even though none of our bags would seem dark blue, even to the colour blind! Imagine a hundred people jumping out of their seats in unison, opening all the overhead lockers and jumping up and down to check whether all their bags were there. After a few minutes, all were satisfied that he had not taken any other’s baggage with him.

Suddenly, an Eureka moment came for Vidhya: “Whats the point in checking whether he had taken anyone else’s luggage? What if he had left a piece of baggage behind? a bomb?”. A perfectly logical question from Vidhya (was the moon blue? I peeked out to search for it, i couldn’t find it). So, for the rest of the journey, any ticking sound from a watch would get nervous glances from my mom.

We were in the air, finally. After the seat belt sign was switched off, people started to throng the front row preventing the air hostess from bringing the Litchi Juice. Then, one smart gentleman, seeing the opportunity, decided to stand next to the guruji and act as the coordinator and started issuing coupons for the visit to the first row (well, almost!). The air hostess begged, pleaded and tried every trick in the air-hostess’ guidebook to get the passengers back to their seats, but nothing worked. Then, a knock on the cockpit and few words were exchanged and an announcement: “Ladies and Gentlemen, due to the prevailing turbulence, we request all of you to get back to your seats and fasten your seat-belts”. I settled back in my seat and looking at the crystal-clear sky through the window, dozed off for the rest of the flight.

written by Rajaram S

written by Rajaram S

• Bird Flu mania gripped the world, especially Asia in early 2006 and that was probably the best time to make the movie “One flew over the bird’s nest“.
• If you ever visit Cyprus as a tourist, one of the main tourist attractions on your itinerary should be a visit to a Cypriot Doctor (No, i don’t wish you to be unwell, just go there as a tourist). If you want to be prepared in advance on what to expect, read “Quack Quack, Is the Doctor in?“.
• Rules in Cyprus are different for locals than for outsiders. You should know the tricks of the trade if you want things to happen your way in Cyprus. Some theories just don’t work in Cyprus – Failure of queuing Theory in Cyprus.
• Everyone, for whatever reason they may have, likes to make fun of American Politicians. So, why should i be different? God Bless America! and If America wants more oil
• How soon or late do you adapt to the modern technology surrounding you? Sometimes, even basic things like operating an ATM can become a nightmare. Read about The mystery of ATMs to find out.
• If you are from India or from the UK or from the US and have happened to attend any Indian party, you might be able to associate with my observations about Punjabi songs titles “What is it with Punjabi Songs“.
• If you have had a conversation with an Indian and there was no mention of cricket for more than 5 minutes, consider yourself to be very very lucky. Why are Indians so crazy about cricket. Cricket is after-all a stupid game, a waste of time!
• The history of the Mallu Nairs. Don’t read this if you are not from India, you wouldn’t understand a thing!
• What i have learned from my wife. This was part of a Group Writing Project at Middle Zone Musings. Well, after Vidhya (my wife) read this post, i learnt many more lessons.
• My first ever music concert and it rocked! Photos from the Bryan Adams Concert here in Cyprus.

written by Rajaram S

• Indians are way ahead of the rest of the world in nano-technology. USA and Europe might be taking big steps in nanotechnology, but India is already light years ahead. Imagine, in the US, they have six-lane highways where you might find, if you are lucky, vehicles on four, or maybe if you are really lucky, five of the lanes. But, in India, we have single lane roads (ok, we actually don’t have lanes, only roads) where, on a normal day, you will find a lorry, 2 buses, 3 cars, 4 vans,5 autorickshaws, 6 bicycles, 7 motorcycles and a few stray dogs within a range of a dozen square metres. Do you really need more inspiration for nanotechnology?
• Now i know why cars are damn cheap in India as compared to US or Europe. In fact, you can get a new car for under 4000 USD in India and in the last few weeks, many Automobile manufacturers have been announcing sub-2000 USD cars in India. Such a car would be an impossible dream in US, that even sci-fi movie and fantasy movie makers would not dare to project such cheap cars in movies lest the audience dump them for being over fantastical. So, why are cars cheap in India? To understand this, we need to look at cars being sold in the US. Cars are always released in many models, the basic one and the X-one which has many extra features like Bose Audio Systems, Rain Sensing Auto Wipers (or is this on the basic one?), anti-theft mechanism, and the like. So, you expect the X-one to be a lot costlier. In India, a similar X-model would have the following extra “fancy” features: Rear-View mirrors, Seat Belts, Rear Window Wipers, Child Lock and Air bags. The basic model is a car that runs, that’s it. No wonder, they cost so less in India.
• Indians were the first in the world to introduce indicators on cars. The world was used to drivers pointing their hands in the direction they planned to take a turn. It was the same sign used in India too. But, the situation in India was different. Since the cars and other vehicles in India loved each other and travelled a few millimetres away from each other, showing a hand sign was an indication that you wanted your hand amputated. The growing number of hand amputations led the government to fund research and thus they came up with indicator lamps for the cars!

If you commute a lot to work daily and feel stressed out by this, take a vacation in India and drive around the cities. When you go back to your country (unless you are from Thailand!), you will feel as if you are driving in space with the whole highway built just for you. Enjoy!

If you are interested to participate in another group writing project, check out the Friday the 13th Group Writing Project.

Technorati Tags: India, driving in India, cars, traffic

written by Rajaram S

The Cypriots love their cats. They are all over the place. The cats even have a monastery for themselves called the Cat Monastery. But, the poor dogs, they don’t even have the basic rights! God save them!

written by Rajaram S