Nowadays, it is football fever everywhere. Any mall you go, any shop you visit, even the small road-side kiosks have football related promotions. But, I just don’t understand the craze for such a stupid game. The game of football is a dumb as it can get. You have a ball and there are 22 men running around trying to kick the other guys and sometimes by mistake, end up kicking the ball. There is no art in the game. You get the ball, you kick it. Ok, you have to kick it in a particular direction, but how difficult is that?
The name “football” is itself so ordinary. Yes, the game is about kicking the ball with your foot, but can’t you guys come up with a more innovative name. Look around for examples. Would you ever be able to guess what the games of “cricket” or “golf” are about? Imagine, how boring it would be if they were called “batball” or “puttballhole”? Well, “puttballhole” wouldn’t be as popular as golf is, that is for sure!
Football is too strenuous a game to be played by everyone. Compare it with cricket. In cricket, you just have to stand in one corner of the ground and pray that the ball never reaches you. Whereas in football, you have to keep running even if the ball is half a kilometer away from you. Cricket is also a stupid game, but it is played by 22 and watched by 22000. But in the case of football, it is played by 22 and watched by 22 million! Imagine the loss of man-hours (person-hours, to be politically correct) because of this.
The game of football has infiltrated (more than terrorists from across the border) so much into our mainstream that even ascetics are not able to avoid it and concentrate on delivering speeches and hoodwinking the masses
Football is also such an unfair game. Imagine the state of a midfielder who brings the ball all the way from the middle to somewhere near the goal and then the “forward” who was until then trying to fix up a date with the pretty girl in the crowd, pushes the ball into the goal and gets all the glory! Such players are also given the so-called “golden boot” award. They should rather be given the boot and kicked out of the team.
And there are the football hooligans. Football hooliganism has become so popular that it is nowdays recognized as a profession in UK where there are football hooligans clubs with practicing hooligans as members. This is probably the only sport which has a fan following of hooligans. Have you ever heard of hooliganism in sports like Billiards, Chess or Carrom Board? Imagine a situation where a fight breaks out in any of the matches in the world cup in South Africa and the football hooligans start breaking the walls and fences around the stadium. Who knows, in South Africa, that wall could be shared with the wildlife reserve next door and wild animals could be released into the city because of this.
America has always wanted to do something different. So, when they saw football, they changed it and invented American football. This is the probably the only good side-effect of the game of football. Scientists from all over the world go to all the superbowl games to watch American football, as they believe that they could solve the mystery surrounding the missing link between apes and humans by watching the American football players in action.
So, my dear footballers, take your balls and go somewhere else!
