My manifesto for the Tamil Nadu Assembly elections

I have decided to contest the TN Assembly elections with an eye on the CM’s post considering that the present bunch of politicians are no good for the state and would be better off playing musical chair!

As is the tradition, i am publishing my party’s manifesto, catering to all sections of society. Incidentally, my party’s name is TLAOTWMK – Tamilians living all over the world Munnetra Kazhagam.

Section I: For the General Public

• Increase the castes list from the current 1,56,724 covering 82 pages in the engg college admission form to 2,22,345 so that everyone can feel happy that they will qualify for some quota or the other.
• Free 1 hour coaching class to all people to Tamil nadu. They will be taught to write their name in Tamil. That way, we can claim 100% literacy in Tamil Nadu.
• Free 40 inch LCD TVs to everyone below the poverty line in TN. Note 1: These TVs are bigger and better than the ones offered by DMK/AIADMK. Note 2: A recent analysis clearly shows that a good TV is the first need of those below poverty line.
• Launch of Rajaram TV, which will play Raghupathy Raghava Rajaram 24*7.
• All buses will be renamed to the form RRXXX, which is definitely easier to rememberthan the current As,Bs,Js and so on.
• A new bill in the assembly will be introduced which will make education upto 2nd standard compulsory for anyone willing to contest elections. This way, 99% of DMK &AIADMK politicans will be disqualified.
• Free Dosa and Idli (1 dosa and 2 Idlis per meal per person per day) will be givento all those who can prove that they are hungry. DMK gives out free rice, AIADMK givesout mixies & grinders, but what use are these if they is no electricity connection to your house!
• Vijaykanth will be made captain of the Tamil Nadu Army, so that he can put his skills to better use rather than in Politics.
• DMK promises 4 sheep for every family below poverty line. We will give you 4 goats.They taste better!
• All our MPs will be directed to speak only Tamil in the Parliament. It doesn’t matter if the rest don’t understand, as it is anyway the current situation if the current MPs from DMK speak English.
• We will arrange emergency trains and buses from Mumbai to Chennai for tamilians whenever Shiv Sena decides to do a peaceful protest in Mumbai.
• We will arrange special coaching classes on “respect” taken by the current AIADMK politicians who are experts in falling at the feet at the drop of a hat.
• Since Polygamy is illegal in India, we will ban the use of the words “Amma” or “Appa” for people other than the actual Amma/Appa as this leads non-tamilains to think otherwise.
• No one in our party will have legal/illegal second/third wives. This is to avoid situations where the progeny of such relationships cause political problems in the future.
• Our party will not install any vertical cutouts of my photo or of any other politician from our party.  Instead, will will install horizontal cutouts so that it will also provide shade to people looking for some respite from the hot sun.
• Will convince Rahul Dravid to trademark the acronym DMK (Dravida Munnetra Kazhagam) to avoid any Tom, Dick or Harry from adding letters in front of these 3 letters and form a party (in the future).

Section II: For Students

• Will ban/impose fines on colleges like Satyabama where Neandrathal traditions like making boys and girls sit on separate sides of classroom are still followed.
• Will arrange for special custom-made buses for students of Pachaiyappa College Students to travel in/break windows, because that is the only thing that the students of this college anyway do.
• Will arrange a paintball field within the Chennai Law College so that the students of various castes in the college can spend their built-up animosity and fight with each other, but with minimal human damage.
• Will introduce 1+1 free marks for Tamil Nadu state board students in Engg entrance exams  who correctly answer questions in which  the values/numbers are different from the one in their text books.

Section III: For IT Folks

• A special coach will be allotted in all suburban trains with WiFi access. Entry to this coach is only for the IT folks i.e. with the dog-tag around the neck. Only beggars who can sing “Irumbile Ore Irudhyam Mulaikkutho” (From Robot) or other technical songs will be allowed into this coach. Beggars from North India who sing “Pardesi Pardesi Jana Nahi” will be politely asked to get down in the middle of two stations, unlike in Bihar where they are pushed off.
• Special super-trucks will be arranged at the venues of TCS/Wipro walk-in interviews so that the selected people can be moved by the truckload to the respective campus. Such walk-ins in the future will be held at Island grounds with special squads providing butter-milk for those waiting in the queue.

Above is just a small list of all the good things our party intends to do if we get elected. So, for your benefit, come and vote for TLAOTWMK. Btw, our party symbol is “The Little Finger”. We had to choose this finger, as a combination of every other finger was already used by some party or the other and some fingers cannot be chosen for reasons of propriety.