If America wants more oil

It doesn’t need to invade Iraq, Iran or other Gulf countries in the pretext of them having Nuclear weapons, Bazookas, water-guns or firecrackers, but all it needs to do is to invade the European country of Cyprus.

Cyprus, is it a country, never heard of it or seen it on the map. Well, don’t feel bad if you are asking these questions. Many do. Because, Cyprus is small enough to be conveniently ignored on many maps. How do you put a country 400*200 Kms across on a world map ? Well, by a dot. Many of us would think that printing ink accidentally spilled in the middle of the Mediterranean sea and ignore it.

If you knew Cyprus, you must be wondering what America would gain, in terms of oil, if it invaded Cyprus.Welcome to the European Underworld, governed by the governing body of the EU. A Cyprus Pound is worth more than 2.2 USD, not because of the million-odd half-naked britishers who come to this island every year in search of the sun and the sea, but because of the flourishing underground oil business.

But, before i reveal the truth, i need to take you into confidence. Not many, including Cypriots, know about this and you must never talk about this to any person named Andreas, Christos or Giorgos. Cypriot men have either of the three mentioned names only and you can be safe by this way that you don’t reveal this to Cypriots. What about Cypriot women, you might ask. Forget them, they never have time outside the beauty Parlours.

The secret to the oil business in Cyprus are … paper napkins. Yes, the very ordinary paper napkins you find on all the tables at the restaurant. Cyprus is one of the world leaders in the manufacture of paper napkins. Cyprus has brilliantly used these to “throw sand in the eyes” of the British and American Oil scouts. Indian politicians were implicated in the “Food for Oil” scam with Saddam’s Husseins government in Iraq. But, they were just the scapegoats. The actual culprits were the Cypriots.

It all starts with the simple humble Bread Pakoda. Since it is an Indian dish, no one in Cyprus really cares about the quantity of these made in the local restaurants here. Cyprus exports thousands of these bread pakodas to Iraq and Iran. They are shipped back to Cyprus. No, not because there are not tasty. They were not meant to be eaten in the first place. These bread pakodas are re-processed, filled with oil, in secret plants in Iraq and Iran and shipped back to Cyprus. Since there are hundreds of Indians working in my company and other offshore companies in Cyprus, no one really bothers about the tons of bread pakodas landing on the shores of Cyprus. They just comment “Ah! it must be for the Indians, they eat all such crazy spicy stuff!” and let it pass through.

Now comes the genius of the Cyprus underworld. They take these bread pakodas to remote factories within the troodos mountains and extract the oil within them using plain paper napkins. These paper napkins are then repacked and exported to African countries. What the world sees is that Cyprus is exporting paper napkins, but the reality is that Cyprus is actually exporting illegal Gulf Oil to African countries to fund the ganglords there.

Now, you might ask, how did i come to know of this? No, I am not involved with the Cyprus Mafia. No process is bug-free. Some of the bread pakodas which come from Iraq into Cyprus somehow fell into the wrong hands, that of the caterer supplying stuff to my company and he, seeing the weird name, promptly assumed it to be exotic Indian stuff and supplied it to our kitchenettes.

In the below series of pictures, you can see the way by which i unearthed this underworld secret. As i said before, don’t ever share this information with any andreas, christos or giorgos!

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